My Scar Makes Me Who I Am

So everyone has something personal that makes them who they are, be it a birthmark, or a mole, mine just so happens to be a scar. Yes you read that right, but not just one Scar, I have four. One right down the middle of my chest, measuring roughly 21cm, then i have three small scars, about an inch in width below it. These are from my 2 previous operations and I’m positive i have more to come. This blog IS NOT a sympathy vote for how i look, but to show everyone that yes, i have them and they make me who i am.

People, to my dismay, notice it all the time. It’s hard for me to go shoppin without someone looking down at my chest. God know’s I’d look if it were something I didn’t recognise. I dont blame people for wondering, and i do feel privileged when asked on it, when they recognise that it’s a scar.

It is hard living with it, growing up I wasnt as aware of it as I am now as its something I’ve had since my earliest memory. When I was a child, and was asked about it, i would simply say “It’s my Zip” and smile politely.

But, I have had some people look at it and think of it to be something else. A girl once told me that I should “Keep an eye one that rash incase it’s contagous” Me, not being as mature as i am about it as I am now, looked away from her, told her it was a scar and walked on. I didn’t know whether I should have been angry for someone assuming that it was a digusting Rash, or whether i should cry, it hurt me to meet someone who was ignorant to what some people live with, for judgeing. But, I held my head up high and got on with my business. Although deep down i felt that hurt and annoyed i knew that crying or going mad wouldnt make the situtation better, it would just create more fuss around the situation, which i was trying to avoid. Later, she did apologise and we put it behind us.

Another time, just a few weeks ago, while I was waiting for the bus, a man approached me and said “Woah, did u try to cut yourself?” not understanding what he meant i looked at him puzzled, when he indicated to his own neck, my heart sank when I understood he meant my Scar, shocked, i didnt know what to say to him, I told him that I had a heart condition and had undergone 2 operations. “At your age??” was his responce, not knowing how to react to this comment, I said that I needed to catch my bus and walked away.

Now, after knowing a dear friend, God Rest Her Soul, I am aware, that people like me, who have had both full transplants, and like me, homeographs which is like a transplant of one part of an organ rather than the whole organ, are here to show that no matter what is going on with us, we must not dwell on it, we should thrive, and make the best of a bad situation. When approached by  the two people above, I should have explained my situation and thanked them for their concern, and bidded them good day, but like everything else, I dont think of these things untl the moments past  ..

But what I really wanted to say is that Yes, my scars can be daunting, and of course i have days where i feel that I hate them and don’t want them there, but do you know what, if i didnt have them I wouldnt be who I am today, if none this hadnt happened I wouldnt have my blog, as i do now, and i wouldnt be organising my charity event or have the plans I have today  ..

By Chloe

(Updated:7/5/12)

I had been through an odd job interview, first thing I was asked was “wow, how did you get that scar?” so I explained that I have a heart condition without using the words “chronic heart disease”. The whole interveiw, which lasted about an hour consisted of being asked about my condition and when my next operation is, how long ago was my last one, blah blah blah, followed by one or two questions of my work ethic. I was told at the end of the interview that I would recieve a phone call by the end of the following week. I never recieved this phone call. I would like to think that this is because I had my phone switched off or because I had no signal but I know it was not. Inside I know that it is because the employer didn’t want to have to ring me and say that I havnt got the position and when I ask why not not having a reasonably excuse. I had all the desirable qualification and experience required as well as the essentail criteria, I also had outstanding references as my resferee’s told me of this. Is it right that anyone with CHD should be discriminated against due to their label? I dont think so, I think that if I wasnt able to work due to CHD I wouldnt, I am well enough to work so I will work all I like. Also is it right that i should have to cover up my scar in order to have a normal job interview? If I were to say nothing about my heart condition and covered up my scar, surely that would be false advertising?

Also, I have recently recieved hate mail due to being proud of wearing my scar, for supporting organ donation, and for sharing my story. I would like to take this opportunity to say a few words on this matter. Without sounding too harsh, I am who I am. I have been through hell and back to get the life I have been blessed with, my scar shows that I have been through a personal war and my smile shows that I have won the battle. Although I have not had a full heart transplant, if not for an organ donor I would not be alive to share my story. I agree with Organ Donation 100%, I support it and promote it, but i would never force it on anyone. If you do not agree with organ donation i would appreciate that you either think about my life, do u think I didnt deserve a second chance to share my story, and if not then please do not waste your time in contacting me to tell me that I am a “disgusting person who should not parade a horrible mark for the world to see” (meaning my scar). Please do not tell me that it is wrong to tell people about my own life and how I have coped living with a “disease” because I have shared my story to offer support to those who are going through the same situations and for their families to understand how their loved ones may be feeling even if they try to hide it. I have been called an inpiration for having the courage to speak up and help these families, just think, how many time has someone called you an inspiration?
Also, (if u are squeamish then dont read this part) I would especially appreciate if you would not share your thoughts on how u hope my scar “opens in my sleep so that my “deformed” heart falls out.” One, I know that this is not something that would happen, and two, I already have nightmares about this but the sheer fact that you have suggested this makes me realise that it is something that would only happen in the movies. You are the sick one, not me.
It is people like yourself that give me even more drive to share my story, to promote organ donation and to wear my scar with even more pride. Simply because it is you that is the sick person and not me, I am who I am . If you dont like dont speak to me, if you dont like what i have to say, dont listen and if you dont like what I have to write, dont read it. Simple 

I am sorry if anyone finds these last paragraphs offensive, but it is something that I needed to get of my chest, (so to speak) and get it out of my sytem so I can focus on the tasks ahead. Thank you for all of the support guys and dont forget, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger